Thoughts from the road

(I’m not actually writing this on the road because I don’t have a smart phone and I don’t want to die nor kill/ maim those around me)

If you didn’t know, I live in Atlanta and have for most of my life (save 4 years in Athens for college and my stint at the folks in East Cobb, which is in the metro area). In 2008, The A was named the #1 worst city for traffic (we are also #1 in crime behind Memphis). I now spend an average of an hour and twenty minutes commuting on a daily basis. Besides cussing at the idiot drivers around me (because of course it is always their fault and not mine) and chatting on my sweet Razor phone, I like to think. My thoughts are not meant to solve problems like world hunger or crime (perhaps I should focus on this for the sake of Atlanta and Memphis) instead, they are meant to entertain (even if it is only me). Here are a few things that I have mulled over while staring at the license plate of a commuter in front of me:

• Really, the state of Georgia has to issue University of Florida plates? I really hope that are charging those jean shorts, mullet wearing yahoos more than anyone else. I hope UF has a big scandal this year. They are due for one. I hope it involves Steve Spurrier and that knocks out two at once. I hate the color orange. Except those orange shoes I have. What can I wear those shoes with? Gators suck!!
• What would my job in hell be (just trying to be prepared)? I have thought through this one long and hard and it would be tasting mayonnaise for an eternity while listening to Frank Sinatra. My friend Mary Beth said she would be next to me chewing pink or cinnamon bubble gum while listening to Bonnie Raitt (I wonder if her position next to me would be a punishment too, hmmm?). Apparently, in hell you have to do product tasting and get your own personal headset while doing it. This is a fun game to play and I would like to know what your personal job in hell would be (just in case you get bad news from St. Pete).
• If only I had a helicopter…wait, where would I land it? Well, I would just need a big flat roof to land it on or perhaps a nice big open field. Of course everywhere in the Atlanta area is so overbuilt that I will need the rooftop landing. Wonder if you can just land your personal helicopter on just any roof or if I need a permit. I bet a helicopter landing permit would be expensive. Oh well, I’m rich (duh-because I can afford a helicopter) I’ll get someone to worry about that for me.

This entire stream of insanity happened one day when I was stuck in gridlock on I-85N on my way to the Olive Garden. I waited tables there through college and had to drive 50 miles one way because there are NO jobs in Athens. At the time, I drove a 1985 Toyota Corolla with no A/C, manual windows and an automatic sunroof (heck yea). Did I ever mention that I went to UGA from 2000 to 2004? Thinking about my riches and helicopter were very much not a reality; however, much more fun than staring at the car in front of me.

I now challenge you to think about complete nonsense in the car as opposed to what you are having for dinner, how much money you owe on your Macys card or why you didn’t do one more set of crunches. Life is measured in deeds (or in my case nonsensical thoughts) and not years (stuck in gridlock).